Zatanna: “Where do I even start? Oh yeah, where the fuck do you get off, thinking you can just manipulate someone like this? Do you even know what ‘private’ means?! You can’t just read a fucking comic book and go ‘oh! I think I understand her life. I’m just going to write about it’!”
Interviewer: “Um, I mean, I kind of just did so… besides you want to talk about private? You don’t have private. You’re a public entity in the DC Comics world, and believe me, the other authors and illustrators sure don’t highlight your ‘privacy’. It’s not like I hopped into your mind and sifted through your memories or anything.”
Zatanna: *looking slightly embarrassed and angry* “I’m sorry, but just because you read about it in a comic book doesn’t make it your goddamn business.”
Interviewer: “And just because you’re the only magical one there doesn’t mean you have to poke your nose into everyone’s business to try and fix them. Why don’t you focus on fixing yourself first huh?”
Zatanna: *indignantly, her arms crossed over her chest* “Oh, well if you have all of this control over me, why haven’t you just done that for me yet? It seems to me I’m just here for you to puppet around anyway, so it honestly doesn’t seem to me like I really have to do anything.”
Interviewer: “Well that’s super convenient. Wouldn’t it be nice if we all just had someone that we could blame when we have to face things we don’t want to? Wouldn’t it be nice if we all had someone to make all our decisions for us, and never had to own up to anything? Quit being so dramatic or I swear to god I’ll make you full-on vegan.”
Zatanna: “Oh so you get to control what I eat too huh? Glad to know that’s one diet you can manage.” *eye roll*
Interviewer: “You are such a child sometimes. Maybe it’s a good thing you have me to help you out because just because you have all magical power doesn’t mean you know what to do with it. Especially, when you act like a brat.”
Zatanna: *glancing away* “Are you done yet?” *trying not to sound upset* “I’m sorry, I’m such a brat. That must be so hard to write about. Clearly I deserve to lose my father and never see him again or any other bad things you want to throw my way.”
Interviewer: *sympathetically* “Zatanna, sure you’re not perfect, but that doesn’t mean you deserve bad things to happen to you. Honestly, one of my favorite things about you isn’t the magic, it’s what you do with it. It’s who you are.” *glances around at the audience* “Why don’t you unfreeze the audience and we talk this out, huh?”
Zatanna: “Whatever you say, boss…” *sighs and dismissively waves her hand as she enchants*
“Emit trats”
To be continued…
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