Oh, boy. Was this a good idea? The thought crosses my mind as I sip at my smoothie through a straw. Sluuuurp. Heh. No point in dwelling in seconds thoughts now when I already told the asshole to come over and damn me if I'm going to chicken out at the very last moment. Speaking of, where the fuck is he?
As the clock ticks by, I tap my fingertips against the cool surface of the table. An impatient sigh escapes my lips, eyes checking on the time displayed on my cellphone screen for what feels like the millionth time.
''Ta-da!'' A familiar voice announces. When I look up, the demon is wearing that signature infuriating shit-eating grin of his, perfectly white canines on full display. His arms are also spread at his sides, ever the dramatic little fucker he is.
''You're late.'' I scowl.
''Aw, c'mon!'' He sits at the edge of the table, body turned to the right so he can face me, ''Just by fifteen minutes, not fifty.''
''Fifty. Fifteen. Late is late.''
''Yeah, yeah.'' He dismisses my words with a lazy flick of his wrist. Before I can say anything else to him, he pulls a cigarette out, ''You don't mind, do you?'' He asks, already lighting it up with a snap of his fingers.
''Would it make a difference if I said yes?''
''So...'' He puffs out a small cloud of cherry-scented smoke, ''What can I do for you, darling?''
My nose wrinkles as I make a face, ''Don't call me that.''
''I have a name, you know.''
''You may call me Lex.''
''Lex.'' He taps a gloved fingertip against his chin as if in deep thought, ''Like Lex Luthor?''
''Yes, like Lex Luthor. Minus the money and the bald head.''
The demon giggles, ''You're not what I expected.''
''I get that a lot.''
''Mhm. I wonder why.''
''Listen, people always seem to think I'm-''
''Well, you do look like jailbait.''
''Gee, thanks for that.''
He lifts his left shoulder into a shrug, ''Shouldn't you be flattered by that, though?''
I let out a small huff.
''I mean, many people would kill to appear younger than they actually are.''
''Well, I'm not.'' I grumble.
''Clearly not.'' He clicks his tongue, ''Also, I thought you would have better... taste.''
''Taste in what, exactly?''
''You know,'' The demon looks at me up and down, ''In clothing. Given all the suits and ties you put on me.''
''I'm not a businesswoman, I don't need them.''
''Neither do I.'' He's grinning wider now, ''And yet.''
''And yet.'' I shrug, pushing the empty smoothie glass away, ''I've have always liked men who know how to dress.''
''That makes two of us!'' He exclaims cheerfully, ''But do you know what's even better?''
''Getting to rip their clothes off of their bodies, of course.''
''Oh, please. As if you don't enjoy making me do that.''
''Just a tad.''
''Bullshit.'' He sing-songs.
''Whatever, is there something else you would like to know?''
''Yes, I do.'' He looks around the joint, raising his voice as a waitress passes by to attend another table, ''I would like to know what does a demon have to do to get some service around here?''
''Not about that. I'm talking about-'' I sigh, ''Maybe I should just start dressing you up like a hobo from now on.''
''Wait, wait, wait.'' His eyes flicker back to me, ''What?''
''Or would you prefer Hawaiian shirts and sandals?''
He makes an exaggerated gagging noise, ''I'd rather walk the earth jiggling my junk around, thank you very much.''
''Of course you would.'' I rolled my eyes.
''Maybe I should. Why keep denying the world the opportunity to ogle at this fine specimen, eh?'' He tosses his head to the side and runs a hand through his hair like models do in shampoo commercials.
''Hey, now.'' He points an accusatory finger my way, ''I wouldn't have this body or this face if it wasn't for you. You chose this poor sod for a reason. You like what you see.'' The demon wags his eyebrows suggestively.
''Fine, fine.'' I lean back on my chair, ''Cam is one of the hottest guys I've ever seen. Talented to boot, too. I'd definitely tap that. Are you happy now?''
He laughs, delighted, ''See? I knew it!''
''Are you done?''
''Done?'' He blinks, ''I haven't even ordered yet.'' His eyes scan over the menu, ''I'll have a cheeseburger. Double decker. No, no. Triple decker. Chili cheese fries. A beer. A few desserts...''
''I meant with the laughing like a hyena.'' I fold my arms across my chest.
''For now? Yeah.''
I glare at him.
''You love me and you know it,'' He reaches out for my nose with one hand, boops it. ''I wouldn't still be here after all this time if you didn't.''
''It's been what, ten years?''
''Give or take. To be honest with you, I have lost track.''
''Why did you create me, anyway?''
''Out of boredom, I suppose.''
''Why yes. What did you expect to hear?'' I pause, before adding, ''It's been so long, okay? I can't recall a time when you weren't a part of my life.''
''Careful there or people may start thinking you have a heart.''
''And we wouldn't want that to happen, would we?''
''Your words, not mine.'' He taps his cigarette into an ashtray, ''Why is my name Azazel Morgenstern? Don't get me wrong, it's nice and all, but it sounds like something out of a trashy YA novel.''
''I heard the name Azazel on Supernatural.''
He snickers, ''That shitty CW show? That's where you got my name?''
''The show was good back then. Or at least, I used to think it was. Up until that point I knew next to nothing about demon lore, so I had no idea what to name you. Then I saw the character on screen, liked him, and thought his name had a nice ring to it. I did some research and found out Azazel was an actual demon.''
''So, you copy-pasted as much as you could from the internet and slapped those traits on me? Didn't anyone ever tell you not to trust everything you read online?''
''Not at all. I only borrowed certain elements when I developed you. For the most part, I created my own lore. You're your own thing.''
''Huh. I wonder how many things you've pulled out of your ass.''
''A lot of things. I already told you-''
''You're Miss Originality. Yeah, yeah. All badass and creative and shit. Got it. What's with the last name Morgenstern?''
''It means Morning Star in German.''
''I didn't ask for an etymology lesson.''
''I figured you needed a last name. I read the meaning of Morgenstern and thought it flowed nicely with the name Azazel.''
''In other words, you pulled that one out of your ass as well.''
''Exactly.'' I grin, ''You have to give me some credit; it fits you perfectly.''
''But not for long.''
He stares at me, hard, ''What are you talking about?''
''Things are about to change for you.''
''I can't tell you all the details.''
''For starters, it wouldn't be as much fun if you knew it all beforehand.'' I shrug, ''Also, I don't know everything that is about to happen just yet.''
''Ah, because you make shit up as you go along?''
He rubs his jaw with one hand, ''Can't I get a little hint, at least?''
''I'll tell you this: it involves you going by a different name.''
''That's nothing new. My identity has been flexible over the years.''
''I know I'm an indecisive fucker.''
''All the fake ID making,'' He's grinning again, ''Color me intrigued. What is this new name you speak of?''
''You'll find out sooner than later.''
''I love surprises.'' The demon giggles, ''Are you being cryptic on purpose or you have zero clue as to what is it going to be?''
''I may be incapable of making up my mind to save my life sometimes, but I'm not shitting you. I have your new name right here.'' I tap my tempe with one fingertip.
''Is it going to be permanent?''
''Hopefully yes. If I don't change my mind again, eventually, that is.''
''Am I going to hate this new me?''
''Only one way to find out.''
To be continued...