She was alien in this world both metaphorically and literally. It was such a wonderous and scary thing. Wonderous in the fact she was able to experience the integration of a new society and culture into her life. One that seemed to both astound her and mystify her at the same time. Scary for the simple fact she knew there was no more of the past and what she was taught to, to go back to her.
For once she knew that her mindset was going to change, had to, in order to survive in this new society. There was no part of her society, planet, and life to go back to. That life which was beyond stars and across galaxies, or so it felt, was nothing but mere dust. The thought of it alone was enough to drive her into sadness. Causing a wave of doubt and need to simply belong to rid herself of the dull ache of never truly belong.
Yet when she dreamed, no matter how moved on or sure she felt in life, she would dream of her planet. Her people. Her mother. Father. Uncles. Aunts. Kal-El as an infant in her hands, as she simply beamed down at him like a little brother to guide and love for as long as he lived.
Despite the ache of knowing it was no longer there, she dreamt of the smallest fields of flowers that provided drastic color change in a way you couldn't find often enough or at all on earth that she knew of. Small fields of flowers that earth might call exotic or bewildering, that were common to her people.
Her mother and perhaps her father at times chasing her through the field with smiles and laughter as her little legs ran as far as she could from the outstretched arms with grand laughter telling both suns and the sky of their planet she was truly happy. More so as she was picked up in familiar arms and spun around before kisses were placed to her cheeks, and tickles were given.
Backs laid on the grass between rows of flowers during the nights as she asked what each constellation meant. Their name. A question if she could paint it later on, on a canvas to capture the beauty of the night sky, only to be told the could never be truly caught by a brush and paint it lived on in memory. Such a thought that stuck with her even now.
Both suns, red, and yellow, shining down on their planet like ancient...ancient lights guiding those who looked to them for such guidance. And Rao, were the sunsets always so beautiful, beyond the stars could never compare to the sunsets she remembered. How both lights blended on a waters surface. Melding. As if it was all one.
She missed it. Missed her people.
Kal-El, Clark Kent, could never understand, though he tried. He was far too young to remember the way the sun and flowers bloomed every morning and how the night and plants opened during the night. How beautiful it all was.
It was so engrained in her memory, she had plenty of painting in her apartment closet of the sights and experiences she remembered. There was nothing to do with them save for storing them away for now. She wanted- no, needed a place to hang them so she could remember. So anyone who wanted to know could see it for themselves. To know.
Her frown deepened in thought.
"Kara?" Kara looked up and into the eyes of Lena Luthor, "Are you alright?"
She thought to lie, to simply say it was just an assignment but couldn't. As ironic as it seemed, Lena was one of the few that could relate to how she felt. So she gave a small smile and squeezed the hand on her forearm.
"I'm fine," Lena's look told her she didn't believe that, "I am, Lena. Just missing home."
Lena wrapped an arm around her shoulders and motioned her towards the door with an understanding sigh.
She pressed her lips into a thin line. She felt so lost sometimes. There was no one to guide her back on the path, or to help her understand her place on earth. She truly felt the impact of Kryptons death sometimes.
It still wasn't easy to cope with at times.
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