Promises, Promises [2023RE]




Hey little brother,


I know these letters probably haven’t reached you in a long while. It’s been years now since we talked, but it still feels like the only way I can try and reach out to you. I figured, ‘hey, you never know.’ Whether this reaches you in person or in spirit, I want you to know I’m still thinking about you.


So… how’ve you been? 


It’s been a busy year for me so far. For starters, I got a roommate. She’s a good friend of mine, I really think you’d like her. I’ve done a little bit of traveling too. That’s… a pretty long story. It hasn’t been all that easy in the past few years if I’m being honest. For a while, I had been working at this record shop on the west side that I think you’d enjoy too. I ended up leaving on weird terms, but I learned a lot there. Right now though I’m sort of… in between jobs. I’m doing alright though, really. I’ve been moving around a bit, and that has its perks. My part-time landlord for the place I’m currently staying at is a little bit crazy I think, but I’ve been grateful enough to have a place to crash for a while now.


It’s going to be 2023 in just a few hours, that’s why I thought about writing you again. I promise that one of these days I’m going to find you. Until then, I guess I have some work to do on myself.


• I know I need to quit smoking, it just feels impossible sometimes with everything else going on right now. I guess that’s why they call it an addiction, after all. 


• I want to start eating better, too. Moving around and having a roommate has helped with that. What’s the good of cooking if it’s just you anyway?


• Speaking of the roommate, Nessie decided I should add exercise to the list. I already do enough running around for one lifetime, but if I might feel better then it's worth a shot. She keeps snatching cigarettes out of my hand, so with her around maybe she’ll keep me honest about it.


• Making more music. I may not be doing DJ gigs through Paradox anymore, but I haven’t picked up an instrument in months. You know me, it’s embarrassing. 


• Become a vegetarian? (give up chicken nuggets?) …Hmm. Still thinking about it.


• Try that ritual that normal everyday people call “dating”. I’m really not holding my breath on that one.


When I look back at last year I guess I still have a lot of regrets. I haven’t gotten any closer to figuring out what to do with my life. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like much has changed since mom passed. I’m just stuck in the same rut, just another place, but very, very different problems. I’m still on my own most of the time. That’s how life goes though, I guess. I’ll figure it out. I just wish you were here at least. 

I’m sorry I was selfish, back then. I know it probably doesn’t make much sense from your end of things, but I was. I should have been there for you. When we meet up again one day I’m going to be in a better place, I promise’ya.



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