Confessional Event - The Things She Carries

Author’s Note~ This entry may make more sense if Chapters I & II are read from Adri’s blogs.


Amber liquid swirled in her goblet. The tavern was crowded, but it wasn’t as busy as it normally was on an Eve of Rest. Her eyes lingered longingly into her drink, deep within her own thoughts. This could be her last day alive and she spent it on drinking away her sorrows alone. Tomorrow was the day of awakening, she would dawn the Halo, and incinerate her enemies. But at what cost? Her eyebrows pinched together as her thoughts wandered to the Thuujo. What it’d said be for it died, “Oh how I’ve dreamt of this day.” She squinted her eyes shut, how long had it been down in that cave? It had been three millennia since it had last eaten. She scowled before images of its face hovering above hers flashed in her mind, making her wince. Her healing gash from its talon ached at the thought. 

It wanted to die. 


She pinched her lips thinking about that day, and then about her father- knowing Heimstra was looking for her and knowing that she could get captured. And that thought alone sent shivers down her spine. They wouldn’t have killed her. Not the Lord's second in command… Not his daughter. They’d torture her. Much more than what the Thuujo had done. She would be sent back in a box, sliced into pieces after they pulled the intel they needed out of her. 

Adri exhaled before bringing her goblet to her lips, taking a long and healthy drink before setting it on the wooden table.

A heavy thud and a dark shadow sat across the table. Her frown deepened. The last person she wanted to see, “And to what do I owe the pleasure?” she asked passively. Her back slumping into the back of the chair like a child about to be scolded,

“I want you to look at me, first of all.” his graveled voice coldly demanded. Her steel hues lazily met his. Her father was a brute force to be reckoned with, but he was just that- her father. Her eyes rolled before she lifted herself up stick straight, 

Now what do you want?” She knew her attitude would get her nowhere, but it was the one thing she knew would make him see red. Lack of patience and a bad temper ran in the family.

He grit his teeth before spitting, “I came to apologize.”

She almost burst out laughing but picked a scoff instead, the amusement not reaching her cold steel eyes, “Apologize? You want to apologize. For what? For sending me on a suicide mission? I gave everything to this Court. Everything. And all you want to do is say ‘Sorry for forgetting to inform you, the Court you’re about to enter is on your ass and may or may not know your location?’!” Her words rose over the bustle of the tavern. Voices turned to murmurs from their now public dispute. Her father’s scowl turned to stone as she spat venom. Her blood boiled at his stupid expression. “You want to know what I’m sorry for? Telling myself I was good enough for you. That I wasn’t just a number, I regret everything I’ve done. That I didn’t do. That I didn’t follow in Kin or Mar’s footsteps. I regret wanting to be like you.” She spat the last two words out like there was blood on her tongue. Tears had burned at her eyes by this point, hurt prominent in her tone. She sucked in a breath, staring at his unwavering expression, his eyes swimming with sorrow. Adri’s face pinched in before shooting up to her feet, her wound aching in response. Though, it was ignored. She pushed her way out from behind the table, his rough hand finally gripping at her wrist, a silent plea.

Adri turned her body, staring down at him, steels boring into steels. Fury overcame her after they glared at each other for what felt like minutes, then yanked her wrist away, “Ante mou sto diaolo.” She spit before storming out of the tavern, 

“You don’t mean that-”

“I do.” She bit, never turning to him before exiting the building.


Her steel hues lazily squinted open, the morning sun shining through her apartment window, a soft breeze fluttering her sheer curtains about. Adri exhaled through her nose as she rolled over in her bed, sheets tugging along with her before she realized where she was… Ah yes, the recurring dream. She sat with it, turned the memory over in her head, wincing at her own spitfire of words. Would she have said what she did if she knew he’d die the day after? 

No, of course not.

Her arm lifted to her eyes, shadowing the upper half of her face as tears stained her cheeks. Her lower lip wobbled. She didn’t regret wanting to be like him. She regretted that day. And the day after. Because not only did he die, but he died at the hands of Adri. It was like a dagger to the gut. Her only wish was to take it back, take it all back… Tears flowed as a soft sob pushed out, her chest aching at the flashing of memories. 


Oh what have I done, what have I done, what have I done, what have I done…

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